Villains Anonymous
by pikachu203
Summary: Master Xehanort has decided to host 'Villains Anonymous', a place for villains to come and talk about their problems. Unfortunetly, becuase of girl interests and Xemnas letting Terra take over because he's scared of the other villains, it might not end well... SPOILER WARNING One-shot. Rated T for language.


**Villains Anonymous**

** This is a crossover between SSBB and Kingdom Hearts, just to get more villains. Most villains in the story were taken directly out of the story or from the games that characters in SSBB are from. Most of these villains are well known for obvious reasons, so don't worry too much about them.**

** SPOILER WARNING FOR THIS STORY FOR ALL SERIES THAT ARE INVOLVED. **

** Sorry for any OOCness, but that's all part of the fun! **

** This is a collaboration work between CrazyBeverly96 and me, and we wrote this at around 2 in the morning, which is probably why it may have no real meaning or point. But, that's half the fun right?**

** We may make this a chapter story if we get enough people who like it. If no one really cares then we will not bother.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

Xemnas settled down between Bowser and Ganondorf, trying to get comfortable. Across the room, Doctor Eggman and Giovani were discussing the best methods of getting rid of little pests. Shadow Link was leaning back in his chair, drinking a cup of water and tapping his foot against the floor impatiently. Master Xehanort was eyeing the people in the room, checking to see if everyone had arrived. Xigbar was playing with a laser pointer and pointing it at everyone's fore heads. Saix was howling at the moon. Mephiles was practicing his evil laugh. Master Xehanort looked around for a moment, _huh; Hades from Kid Icarus Uprising is missing. Oh well…_

Master Xehanort cleared his throat, "I don't think anyone else is coming, so can we please start the meeting?"

Everyone slowly settled down into their chairs.

Xemnas was nervous. He didn't want anyone else to know his secret. He'd started listening to the voice that was always talking to him in his head, and he had started to let that person take over on occasion. Unfortunately, this was becoming an issue, because he had to remain in the darkness and this 'voice' was calling him into the light.

Bowser gave him a glance, "Is this your first time kid?"

Xemnas nodded, "Y-yeah…"

Ganon gave him a pat on the back that was so strong it made Xemnas double over in his seat, "It's okay, I was nervous my first time too."

Xigbar settled down across the circle from Xemnas, "What's up with you superior, you aren't acting like yourself."

Xemnas shrugged it off. Master Xehanort finally spoke up, "It appears that everyone has arrived. We can start the meeting now."

Master Xehanort said, "Now, would our newest member like to go first?"

Everyone stared at Xemnas, who slowly stood up, "Um… What do I say?"

Doctor Eggman offered him a smile and his best crazy scientist laugh, "Well, introduce yourself to us and tell us why you're here with us today."

Xemnas nodded, "Hi, my name is Xemnas-"

"Hi Xemnas," everyone cut him off simultaneously.

"Y-yes, well, you see I… I'm a form of Xehanort. Well… I feel like I always see everyone in every world I travel to loves Sora and his little band of friends, but everyone I meet always runs away screaming. I don't know… I just feel that… That I want to get a little bit more happiness and respect from the other characters, and from the players themselves."

"Oh come on," Ganon said, "Xemnas, it can't be that bad."

"It's true. Everyone who sees the black coat automatically hates me…"

Xigbar nearly choked on his water laughing, "Please! I had a moment like that about ten years ago."

"Really," Mephiles asked, before returning to practicing his evil laugh.

Xigbar nodded, "Yeah, I didn't want to beat up a chick. But then she kicked my ass."

Shadow Link patted Xigbar's shoulder, "It's okay, Xiggy. Just because you are a 'bad guy', it doesn't mean you are a bad guy."

Xigbar shrugged, "As if. If I ever met that chick again, well I'm just going to," he made a gesture of him slashing his hand across his own neck, "you know?"

"Yes," Bowser replied, "We know. At least you get beat up by an awesome keyblade wielding mage chick and a dude who carries a sword that's bigger than me. I get beat up by a plumber! A FREAKING CHUBBY LITTLE ITALIAN PLUMBER!"

Master Xehanort slammed his foot against the floor, "Girls, girls, you're both pretty. Can we let Xemnas speak now?"

Bowser didn't stop though, "I mean, there's this sexy blonde princess and I'm the ultimate ruler of darkness who can give her anything in the universe, but does she stay with me? NO! She stays with a fat ass plumber!"

"Bowser," Master Xehanort said calmly, catching his attention.

Bowser stopped his rant and looked up, "Yes, Master Xehanort?"

"Do you want me to force my heart on you and possess you as a vessel," Master Xehanort asked, calling his keyblade for good measure.

"No, Master Xehanort," Bowser replied, skulking back to his seat.

"Very well then," Master Xehanort replied, returning his attention to Xemnas who was standing awkwardly in the midst of the feuding villains, "You may speak, young vessel."

Xemnas nodded nervously, "Well, you see, the fans always seem to hate me as well…"

"Oh come on," Giovani said, flipping through his notebook of plans to take over the world, "It can't possibly be that bad."

"It is," Xemnas replied, "They draw degrading fanart picturing me as a woman," everyone else in the room cringed, "They pair me up with Saix," he pointed at Saix who stopped howling to nod at the fact, "and write the two of us in inappropriate situations," he said his next term in annoyance, "The beautiful blue haired chick only wants to be with me because I have the same body as her old… um… Oh I don't know friend, or boyfriend, or acquaintance, or whatever!"

"Damn, that sucks," Saix replied.

"That's not the worst part though," Xemnas replied.

"What's the worst part," asked Ganon.

Xemnas  
blushed in embarrassment before finishing his complaint, "They won't stop calling me MANSEX!"

There was a sea of oh, and that sucks bro, from the surrounding villains.

Doctor Eggman stood up, "Now, Xemnas, at least you're getting beat up by an awesome child with a key shaped sword. I'm being beat up by a hedgehog!"

Xemnas frowned, "At least you're fighting the fastest being on the planet. I've been defeated by two kids with keys, a mouse, a dog, and a DUCK! A FREAKING DUCK!"

Doctor Eggman nodded, "You have a point there, but he always ruins my amazing inventions."

Master Xehanort said, "Now, now. Will both of you please sit down."

Xemnas nodded and they returned to their seats. Giovanni raised his hand, "Yes?"

"Hi, my name is Giovanni-"

"Hi Giovanni," everyone but Xemnas chorused in monotone.

"Yes well," Giovanni said, "I'm curious… Master Xehanort, you started this group but we never hear you talk about your plans and what stands in your way."

"Well," Xehanort said, "That's a very interesting statement. If you all would like to know about my plans than I would be happy to tell you," everyone in the room, including Saix, Xemnas, and Xigbar nodded, "Alright. Well, I want to create the kye-blade so that I can rule the universe with Kingdom Hearts. I have created thirteen copies of myself in various forms and a bunch of feckless children fruitlessly attempt to thwart my plans."

Giovanni asked, "So, what's your problem?"

"Nothing really, I can predict every move that my enemies make ten years before they act. I can rule the universe and only a group of stupid inept children can attempt to get in my way. Their hope is a boy who is nearly in my clutches, a juvenile emo, a mouse, a damsel in distress, a pyro, a vessel I'm already using, two kids who are stuck inside another person, a boy who's napping, and a girl who can never escape the darkness. So, they're pretty much hopeless, and I'm basically a time lord. It's only a matter of time before the universe falls into darkness," Master Xehanort shrugged and the other unsuccessful villains were all slack jawed at his awesomeness.

"Damn," Bowser muttered in respect and they all burst into applause.

"Dude, you're lucky," Mephiles muttered, "I only got to be in one game, and it _sucked_."

"At least you were only in one bad game," Doctor Eggman muttered, "I've been stuck in the series throughout its downfall. I fear that Sonic the Hedgehog has very few 3d years left."

Shadow Link offered Doctor Eggman and Mephiles a small smile on his otherwise black face, "Come on, so Master Xehanort is lucky, I mean that's probably why he created Villains Anonymous in the first place."

"Now," Master Xehanort said, "Would any others like to complain?"

Mephiles raised his hand, "Yes?"

"Hi, my name is Mephiles."

"Hi Mephiles," everyone chorused, Xemnas was finally getting the hang of this and joined them.

"Well," Mephiles began, "What I want to know is why in my game Doctor Eggman got to spend his time with the hot princess."

Doctor Eggman shrugged, "Oh please, Mephiles, she's far too high maintenance for your tastes. In fact, she's a whiny little dumbass in distress and I don't know how Sonic can stand her."

Mephiles shrugged, "Okay… Let's move onto Blaze then. That is one sexy kitty," Xemnas was really starting to get uncomfortable with this conversation at this point, "Why would she choose Silver over me? I mean, look at these spikes."

Master Xehanort sighed, making more marks on his clipboard for reasons unknown to those in the room, "Now, Mephiles, this is a group for dealing with our constant failure as villains and as creatures in general, this is not about girls, no matter the species or status."

Mephiles shrugged and Doctor Eggman said, "If Sonic really wants a dumbass in distress kind of girl, he should go for Amy Rose. She is from his same species after all."

Shadow Link spoke up, "Well who cares about a prissy little hedgehog. My alter ego Link can't even talk and look at him! He's got a princess? What do I have? A boss fight and some music…"

Saix sighed, "Amen, brother."

Xemnas shook his head in confusion; this was not helping his situation at all. He was wishing he could melt out of his body when his voice in his head spoke to him again, _Hello, Xem-xem._

Xemnas's eyes widened and he frowned, making sure he was speaking directly through his thoughts and didn't say the next statement out loud, because that would be awkward and embarrassing, _what do you want this time, asshole? I got you your star shaped fruit, I'm looking for your friend in the Castle Oblivion, and I let you see your girl's remains in Radiant Garden from time to time. I do a whole lot for you, and I never get any respect! AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION MY NAME IS NOT XEM-XEM!_

_ Whoops, I'm sorry __**Mansex**__, _the voice replied.

Xemnas released a small growl and clenched his fists, though the other villains paid him no heed. The voice spoke again, _Listen, Xemnas, you do a whole lot for me. That's a fact. It makes living in a villainous asshole slightly less suckish. No offense…_

_ Offense taken… _Xemnas thought back.

_Well then, how about I do something for you,_ the voice asked, _How about I take over your body when you're stuck in meetings like this? Then, that way, you don't have to deal with the quarrelling and I can take care of sitting here for you._

Xemnas's eyes widened; and Xigbar was starting to notice the weird facial expressions Xemnas was going through. At one point he was angry, at another point he was rolling his eyes, and now he just looked plain happy and shocked like a five year old girl who got a unicorn for her birthday.

_Really, you would do that for me?_

_ Of course, _the voice replied, _This is __**our **__body after all._

Xemnas smiled, _Oh, thank you, thank you, how can I repay you?_

_ How about this, _the voice said, _Xemnas, you hate your life and I hate mine. I want you to find someone for me so that when I'm inside you and even when I take over, I can be happier._

_ Um… Okay, _Xemnas replied in his head, willing to do anything to get away from these crazy people. At this point, if the voice had told him to jump up on the table with the water and coffee, dress in drag and do a luau he would have done it, _Who we talking about here?_

_ Oh, just a girl, _the voice replied mischievously, hardly believing how much he was winning, _Now let me take over before they all realize that something's up._

Xemnas nodded, closed his eyes and handed control of his body over to Terra. When he blinked his eyes open, they were dark blue. Not that anyone seemed to notice.

Terra stretched and spread his legs out, getting more comfortable in the folding chair. Master Xehanort gave him a look, "Xemnas, is there something you'd like to say to us?"

Terra pointed at his chest for a moment and stood up, scratching the back of his head, _man, Mansex really needs to get me a haircut. I looked SO much better with shoulder length. Right, focus… What to say… What to say to the asshole that ruined my life! Okay, calm down, Terra, you can cut yourself when you get back inside of Xemnas. Now's the time to act natural._

He took a deep breath and said, "I just realized something. We were all programed to be evil. It's not really our fault; it's the jerks that made us. I mean, look at Bowser, he could be an amazing king, ruler of all the Koopas but he's been programed to kidnap a little whinny bitch for no apparent reason and get beat up by a plumber. Doctor Eggman, you could be the world's greatest inventor and you could own an entire world to be your amusement park, but a silly little blue hedgehog always stops you. Mephiles… You were dropped in an incomplete catastrophe of a game. You're a kick ass villain and you deserve better. Let's face it; you could win competitions with that laugh. Giovani, you could be the greatest Pokémon master in the history of the universe if your creators didn't decide to pit you up against little boys and their teams of over-leveled Pokémon. Shadow Link, let's face it, you were created to be a boss in a game. You never even got a chance to have your own backstory-"

Hades decided to burst into the room at that point, "Sorry I'm late I was busy-"

Everyone shushed him, and directed him to his empty seat next to Mephiles, wanting to hear more of Terra's moving speech. Terra took a deep breath and continued, "Um… moving on. Ganondorf, you've been with the Legend of Zelda since the very beginning. You've fought Link and Zelda across time, that's pretty awesome to me. Also, let's face it; all you've ever wanted is your own kingdom. Hades, I'm glad you got here. You, my friend, are the lord of the dead. You're a god for goodness sake, and they've lowered you to the point of being defeated by an immature little angel," Terra stopped there, "That reminds me, where's Medusa?"

Hades shrugged, "She was busy fighting the little angel twerp. She'll be here next time surely telling us about her failure."

Terra nodded, "Now then, Xigbar. Okay, buddy, let me break this to you: You are not a valley girl and this is NOT the 70's. You need to learn to live in the present. Other than that, you're on the Xehanort ship."

Xigbar nodded, "I guess you're right. I could work on that."

"Saix," Terra said, distracting Saix from his howling yet again, "In a past life you were a werewolf, no doubt about it. In this life, you want to see Kingdom Hearts. That's your dream more than anything else and you are so determined you would beat up kids with keys to get there."

Saix nodded, "Um… yep," and returned to his howling.

Terra finally turned to the man who ruined his life, "Master Xehanort," he shook his head, trying to control himself from strangling him to death, "Oh… Master Xehanort. There are so many people that hate you. I know I can name three right off the bat. Your original plan really didn't work and all you managed to do was ruin some innocent kids' lives. You're the most determined manipulative old bastard I will ever meet."

Master Xehanort shrugged it off, "Bastard, _Xemnas?_ You're too kind."

Terra shrugged, meeting his golden eyes for a long moment and telling himself, _Keep calm… Keep calm; resist your urge to murder him… Keep calm…_

Everyone burst into applause and Xigbar wiped away a tear from his good eye, "That was beautiful, man, just beautiful."

Terra crossed his arms, annoyed at the amount of kissing ass he just did, "May I sit down now?"

Master Xehanort nodded, "Yes you may, Xemnas."

Terra stood for a moment and Xigbar waved a hand in front of his face, making him blink in surprise, "Oh, wait, you mean me!"

"Who else would we mean, Xemnas," Xigbar asked.

Terra sat down, shaking his head, _right… I'm Xemnas. That's going to take some getting used to._

Medusa entered through the door, covered in blood and her clothing torn. She grumbled to herself about angels as she sat down next to Hades. Hades gave her a sympathetic look and asked, "What happened to you?"

She reached back and grabbed a steaming cup of coffee off of the table of refreshments, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh come on," Ganon said, "That's what this is about."

"No."

"Talking will make you feel better," Bowser said enticingly.

"No way in hell, Bowser."

"Then why are you here," Master Xehanort asked, rubbing his temples and wishing _he_ had someone to take his place for him.

She shrugged, "I wanted to find somewhere where that bratty little angel and that Palutena bitch can't find me."

Xehanort shrugged, "Xemnas…"

_Shit, I hope he's not onto me, _Terra thought, "Yes, Master Xehanort?"

"When did you get color contacts," he asked, giving him the oh so obvious _I know who you are Terra_ look.

_Shit, he's onto me,_ Terra thought, "Um… a couple days ago. I thought that the blue eyes looked better on me."

Master Xehanort shrugged, making more marks on his clipboard, "I see, Xemnas."

Terra fiddled with his thumbs nervously, keeping his eyes towards the floor and not trying to attract any more attention to himself. He did happen to notice as his bangs fell in front of his eyes that a single brown strand among the silver was hovering underneath his vision. He quickly stuffed the strand deeper into his hair, hoping that no one else found him out the way Master Xehanort did. He didn't dare pluck it. After all, if you pluck a gray hair two more grow back, who knew if that worked for brown hair too. _Okay, now I'm just being paranoid, _he thought before plucking the single strand out of his hair, thankful that no one noticed him do it. He wondered what to do with the strand for a moment before just shoving it into his organization jacket and hoping no one had noticed. As he finished with the laborious task, he noticed another brown strand on the edge of his vision, _shit…_

Shadow Link spoke up again, "You know how we were talking about girls, right?"

Master Xehanort rolled his eyes, "Yes, Shadow Link, we've been over this."

Shadow Link shrugged and said, "Well you see, princess Zelda is hot and all, but there was this one girl who I thought was pretty. There's this one problem though."

"What would that be," Master Xehanort asked, still annoyed by this subject.

Shadow Link admitted, "She's not from my game."

"Well what game is she from then," Master Xehanort asked.

Shadow Link easily said, "Your game. Kingdom Hearts. Only one of them though."

"Well, out with it, Shadow Link, who is she," Master Xehanort commanded.

"Aqua," he sheepishly admitted.

Terra's fists tightened, _Oh, hell no._

"You do realize that she's a good girl right," Xigbar said, "And that we're dark evil bad guys?"

Shadow Link sighed, "I know, but she's so damn hot."

Terra stood up, hardly managing to control himself from punching Shadow Link in the  
face. This was his best friend, and they were tossing her name and affection around like she was a piece of trash. Shadow Link crossed his arms, "You got something to say, Xemnas?"

"Yeah, I do," Terra said, "You should at least stick with girls from your own game series."

_Wow, how the hell did I manage to make a valid point under that much pressure to kill somebody?_ Terra inwardly congratulated himself.

Shadow Link shrugged, "Oh yeah, well maybe you just like her. You jelly, bro?"

Terra released a small growl, though his face was about as red as Axel's hair, "No, I am not jealous. You could never even have her anyway! You can never meet, because you're not from the same game."

"Okay, jeez, calm down," Shadow Link muttered, "I was only pulling your leg. I like the girl but I can never really meet her. That's all."

Terra nodded slowly, his face slowly turning back to Xemnas's normal dark tan. He cursed his hormones for still making him care about his old friend. Saix thought, _Wow, I'm impressed he could blush like that with his skin tone. Aqua huh? Maybe she'd make a nice birthday present for the superior. _

Terra sat back down and Bowser gave him a pat on the shoulder, "It's okay, buddy, we understand where you're coming from."

Terra looked up, actually feeling some friendly vibes off of him, unlike everyone else in the room, "You do?"

"Yeah, Xemnas. We all have them. You fall in love with the good girl, but because of your issues: darkness, evil, being used as one of thirteen vessels to fuel a madman's dream to rule the universe-"he stopped himself here for a moment, "No offense, Master Xehanort."

Master Xehanort shrugged, "None taken. Once again, I've been called worse by Mickey Mouse."

Bowser returned to his talk with Terra, "You understand what I'm saying, kid?"

Terra nodded, noticing another brown strand of hair and quickly moving to hide it, "Yeah, I guess. I can like her, but I can never be with her," he sighed, remembering that after this stupid meeting  
he'd be stuck inside of Xemnas again, "especially now."

Bowser shrugged, "You know what I do? I kidnap her, over and over. I figure maybe someday she'll finally get the hint and leave that fat plumber for me. Well there's always hope."

Terra sighed, "No, I could never do that to her."

Bowser laughed, "That's the nice part about Villain's anonymous. You get to see the person beyond the code. I never pictured you as a softie at um… wait not at heart… never mind," he gave Terra a pat on the back so hard it made him double over, "It's too bad we'll never get what we want."

Terra coughed a bit and blood came out, _holy shit, I do not want to mess with this guy._

Mephiles spoke up, "Now that you two are done having your stupid little conversation about unattainable girls, how about we talk about failure. I mean, I had everything I ever wanted. I combined with Iblis, the flames of disaster and I nearly destroyed the world, but I had to be stopped by a little blue hedgehog and some emeralds."

Doctor Eggman sighed, "You get used to it."

Master Xehanort cleared his throat, checking the time on his watch, "There's still time for one more person to speak," he glanced up, "How about you Hades? You came in late after all and Medusa does not appear to be in the mood to talk about her day."

Terra noticed more brown hair popping up, and the problem of his appearance turning back to Terra's from Xemnas's was apparent down to his skin tone which was slowly lightening, _I really got to learn to control this for the next meeting. But for now… WHAT DO I DO?_

He quickly raised his hand, "Master Xehanort?"

Master Xehanort sighed, "Yes, Xemnas?"

"May I please go to the bathroom," Terra asked, feeling like a five year old asking their teacher.

"Certainly Xemnas, there's no need to ask," Master Xehanort returned to his clipboard and made several more notes.

Terra ran out of the room and into a bath room stall where he leaned up against the door, panting and allowed himself to transform back into Terra fully. He sighed in relief, walking out of the stall and looking at himself in the mirror, finally seeing himself reflected back for the first time in over a decade. He smiled and pressed his hand up against the glass, he never would take mirrors for granted again. Of course, Saix picked that as a perfect moment to burst into the bath room. He glared at Terra, "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

Terra's eyes widened, _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!_

He ran out of the bath room passed a very confused Saix and back to the castle that never was where he let Xemnas take back over.

Back in the room where Villains Anonymous was going on, Master Xehanort turned to Hades, "Now then, if there are no more interruptions, you may speak."

"Hi, my name is Hades," Hades said.

"Hi, Hades," the remaining members said tiredly, wishing they could all go home.

Hades stood up, "Well, if you were wondering why I was late than I have to tell you, I was going to the store to find hair gel, because, let's face it, it takes a whole lot of product to keep me looking this fabulous! So I was on line and-"

Master Xehanort cut him off, "And it looks like we're out of time, we'll start with you next meeting, alright Hades?"

Hades frowned but complied and all of the villains except Master Xehanort and Xigbar left the room. Xigbar looked up, "Okay, Xehanort. I know you didn't form this group to be Mister Nice Guy. You don't do things like that. What's your real purpose?"

"Well," Master Xehanort replied, picking up his clipboard and flicking off the lights, "You remember how I needed a thirteenth vessel? I figured that one of these misplaced villains would do well in that place."

"Oh, you are so evil," Xigbar said, smiling.

"I know, I am," Master Xehanort admitted, "Now come on, let's go get some ice cream."

"Alright, you old coot," Xigbar replied, "Same time next week?"

"Of course."

**The end.**

** Seriously, just let us know if you'd like us to extend this story, because we happily will. If you don't care don't bother leaving any feedback on it.**

** Feel free to leave a review, but please don't flame.**

**Peace**

**-Pikachu203**


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